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I work really hard to stay in a routine. If you are anything like me, time seems to be a commodity and I try my best to use as much of it as possible in a productive way. I feel like there is so much I’d like to do and accomplish but “time” seems to the nemesis that always holds me back!
While I make the excuse about not having enough time, that’s honestly not the true problem. It’s my misuse of time that impacts me the most. But, like any problem that needs changing, I need “time” to sit back and figure out how to make things work better for me. Sometimes I’m entirely over scheduled. Other times, I’m in a whirlwind race and once the dust settles, I find myself standing alone in my kitchen wonder what I’m supposed to be doing next. It’s an odd extreme. And that’s the true problem. Extremes. As you read this blog, I encourage you to think about:
I’ve been running my whole life, from project to project, goal to goal, accomplishment to accomplishment. I’m proud of the things I’ve done, heights I’ve reached, and items checked off my bucket list. I’m also feeling that at this “mid-life” point, I’m ready to slow it down a bit. Just a bit. I realize what I’m seeking is balance. When things are balanced, they are in homeostasis. They just are. There is no constant push/pull, hamster wheel, rat race – whatever you want to call it. To me, balance equals some stability, some peace and quiet, at least in my mind. I did some thinking this New Year, and really worked hard on a routine that included all the elements that I felt important to fit into my daily life. Sure, I have bigger “life” goals, too, but I felt the need to hammer out the details of this everyday routine that had come to feel like a roller coaster. What I realized is that I needed to be organized. I needed a plan, and I needed to follow the plan. So, I created a plan. I arranged my schedule to accommodate the things that I was consistently dropping the ball in doing. Exercise, cooking, taking supplements, reading, flossing… you know, that stuff. Let me just say, my new plan was awesome. It’s a routine that is realistic. I’ve come to count on it. The comfort of the routine is very zen in my mind. Then, out of nowhere, it happened. My routine was blown to pieces. My son’s daycare unexpectedly closed for 3 weeks with no warning. My reaction was immediate anxiety, panic, and stress. I feel like I went into survival mode. The most important things first, my son. Where was he going to be during the work day? How was I going to work at all?? How do I keep him on a stimulated educational routine while keeping my job, my household, my life moving forward? I was spinning. Not only did our daily routine change, but so did all the little stuff. Now I needed to prep lunches, pack snacks, have a schedule for the park or outside play, arrange work around naps – all of this stuff school takes care of for me. My husband and I scrambled to divide out time, our tasks, and everything else to make things work. Well, today is the first day back to school. And we did it! We made it. Of course we did. I mean, what choice did we really have? But, I’m ready for survival mode to be over. I realize I really can’t live there anymore. It’s too much chaos, stress, and feeling unbalanced. The last 3 weeks has felt like a tornado. Every day with a different agenda, schedule, hand off time, etc. When I take a step back, I see what’s fallen off my routine… All that stuff I implemented for my own self-care. All of it. Hardly any gym time. Scattered meals. No reading. It’s amazing to think about the littlest habits falling out of my routine. I’m not even sure how it happens. Why did I stop flossing in this few weeks? Because it takes too much time? Not really. Still follows brushing my teeth… But, what I realize is that one change (losing daycare being a big one), had a domino effect on my whole life. Even though it doesn’t at all seems like it should have! How many other small things changed in this time that I haven’t even reflected upon yet? I’m sure I will see them more clearly over the next few days. Right now it’s more of a reflection on how I FEEL. I’m exhausted. Anxious. On edge to jump into the next thing, then the next, and so forth – without pausing to think at all. It’s that roller coaster feeling. It’s going to take me a little bit of time to clear my brain and body of that adrenaline rush. I’m looking forward to easing up on the gas pedal, just a little, and getting back onto my regularly scheduled program. In reflection, I like to think I’m good with change, and rolling with the punches. Truth – I’m not. I did it, and outwardly it probably looks successful. But, on the inside, my balance is shaken. I’m glad to know how much I truly appreciate the structure of my everyday life. It took some shaking up to put that all into perspective. And, now I’m grateful that chapter is closed and I can get back to fitting myself into my own life. It’s incredibly important in helping me keep my feet on the ground and not swept up into every tornado that comes along. In my world, routine is far from boring – it’s balance.
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AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. Archives
April 2019
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